<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>No Price Too High by Lif61 (UltimateFandomTrash)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27088999">No Price Too High</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/pseuds/Lif61'>Lif61 (UltimateFandomTrash)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [18]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Day 18, Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Jack Kline Angst, POV Jack Kline, Panic Attacks, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 02:55:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27088999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/pseuds/Lif61</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Billie tells Jack what must happen to bring about God's destruction.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [18]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947223</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No Price Too High</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Whumptober 2020</p>
<p>No 18. PANIC! AT THE DISCO</p>
<p>Panic Attacks</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This wasn’t right. Jack wasn’t supposed to be able to panic while he was dead. Was he? He’d think he wouldn’t. His body was down there, possessed by a demon. Yet, Jack was still feeling his own things in the Empty.</p>
<p>What Billie had said…</p>
<p>No, no, that couldn’t be right.</p>
<p>Here he was, dead, and gone, and—and useless. And he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t feel his hands or feet. His chest hurt so badly that it was like someone had smashed it with a hammer, right over his fiercely beating heart. The edges of his vision throbbed, a deeper darkness than what lay around him.</p>
<p>Jack tried to stand, to walk, to do <em>something</em> in this empty, empty place.</p>
<p>But he couldn’t get up.</p>
<p>His legs were too wobbly to stand, and any attempt at it, had him falling to his knees.</p>
<p>Now Jack was on all fours, struggling for breath, somehow sweating in this place of nothingness.</p>
<p>And down there, down there his body was getting violated.</p>
<p>Maybe that wasn’t as bad as what he now knew about everything he’d gone through. His soul wasn’t… here, but the Grace given to him by his dark father remained, and in that was Jack’s existence. And it could feel. How could Grace feel? How could <em>he</em> feel?</p>
<p>Oh no, he’d done things. He’d killed Mary, he’d killed others.</p>
<p>Dean had been going to shoot him, and then—and then he hadn’t! Oh, why hadn’t he done it? He should’ve done it.</p>
<p>So then God had killed him.</p>
<p>Was God afraid of him, or was this pure malice and hatred?</p>
<p>Surely God did hate him, was terrified of him. Jack was powerful.</p>
<p>If he was powerful then why was he here, unable to breathe, barely able to see?</p>
<p>Billie stood by him, all in black, with her scythe. She watched as if this was meaningless.</p>
<p>“Jack,” she said, her voice deep and filled with ages of knowledge, of the lives she’d personally crossed over.</p>
<p>He was wheezing now. Jack fell down onto his elbows, and he buried his hands in his hair, pulling.</p>
<p>“<em>Jack.</em>”</p>
<p>“It’s not—it’s not <em>fair</em>.”</p>
<p>“Was it ever supposed to be?”</p>
<p>Tears blurred Jack’s throbbing vision, and he sobbed.</p>
<p>
  <em>I can’t get up. If I can’t even get up, how will I…?</em>
</p>
<p>“Why?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“Why <em>what</em>? Why you? Why this? You could blame whoever you’d want, and it would still be true. Is it Lucifer’s fault for creating you? Is it your mother’s for carrying you, birthing you? Is it yours for keeping her alive instead of letting her kill herself? Is it on Castiel and the Winchesters? Or is it on God, on the being of ultimate creation?” She came closer. “Maybe it’s Amara’s fault, for being God’s other half, for destroying, for <em>showing him</em> how to destroy. Or maybe it’s just yours. You’re dead, again, and I can do something about it.”</p>
<p>“But it won’t matter,” Jack growled.</p>
<p>“Of course it will. And of course it won’t. This is what has to be.”</p>
<p>“Why me?”</p>
<p>Billie was crouching down by Jack now, and he flinched away from her.</p>
<p>Air. He needed air.</p>
<p>He needed for his head to stop spinning. But it didn’t. He laid down, and rolled over, looking towards what he perceived as up, and at the blank nothingness surrounding him.</p>
<p>This wasn’t right. None of it.</p>
<p>Jack just wanted a family. He wanted to be with his dads.</p>
<p>But he’d messed that up in killing their mother, hadn’t he?</p>
<p>They’d never forgive him.</p>
<p>“You know it can’t be anyone else,” Billie told him. “You know it has to be you. You are the most powerful being that is, and ever will be. I cannot even stop you — Death. And yet I am the being who will reap God himself.”</p>
<p>Jack tried to breathe deeply, but all he got in was a shaky breath that did nothing to stop his chest from hurting, or bring oxygen to the rest of whatever he was now. Everything began to ache, muscles too tense.</p>
<p>And yet they kept tensing, they kept hurting.</p>
<p>Jack wanted to scream, and he tried, but he barely had the air to do so. Instead a strangled sob left him.</p>
<p>Jack fiercely shook his head, and then couldn’t stop. “I can’t do it. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!”</p>
<p>“You will.”</p>
<p>Jack let out another ripped out, mangled cry.</p>
<p>His Grace throbbed and pulsed with every terrified emotion, every horrible experience that had ever happened to him.</p>
<p>This was what it had all come down to.</p>
<p>
  <em>This.</em>
</p>
<p>He wasn’t here for any other purpose, was he? Sure, Jack could carve his own path, but the true and final destination was not of his own design.</p>
<p>It was of the laws of existence, and non-existence, of the matter and the spaces in between, and the flow of energies in the universe.</p>
<p>It was being, and non-being.</p>
<p>It was Jack.</p>
<p>Billie put a hand on his chest, and somehow, of all things, Death’s touch made him start to breathe more easily.</p>
<p>Still, his vision spun, and he was somehow on the verge of passing out.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Jack.”</p>
<p>Jack whimpered, and forced out, “I just wanted to have a family.”</p>
<p>“This will save them.”</p>
<p>“But—But… I won’t be with them.”</p>
<p>“And that’s the price you all have to pay. But nothing is too high for destroying God, for renewing balance.”</p>
<p>It was. It was to Jack.</p>
<p>But there would be a cost if he didn’t do this, if he didn’t destroy the Creator. The universes would burn, and blister, and break away into nothing, encased by whatever was left after creation was gone. And his universe, his world, would be gone. His family would die.</p>
<p>Nothing would exist.</p>
<p>Jack had to do this.</p>
<p>Yet the very idea of it made him roll onto his side, so incredibly sure that he was going to throw up.</p>
<p>He couldn’t see. Nothing existed, nothing but how horrible he felt, and how much he wanted it all to stop.</p>
<p>“I don’t wanna die,” Jack begged. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>His heart pounded so fiercely it hurt, and blood rushed in his ears. So he barely heard Billie as she said to him, “You must.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>